Mary Triller, MDiv, MTH
Personal, Professional and Spiritual Fulfillment
What does it mean to be fulfilled? It’s that indescribable sense of well-being and equanimity that is born out of knowing we are living the moments of our lives and relationships from our best, most evolved selves. It’s the peace and contentment that arises when we are capable of making conscious, aware and positive choices about how we show up day to day – choices that honor ourselves and those we care about. Living a fulfilled life is reflected in the ability to let go of habits, beliefs and patterns which no longer serve us, and reach out for, grow into and actualize the qualities of the person we most desire to be.
It would be my deepest privilege and honor to help you step into the most fulfilled life possible: personally, professionally and spiritually. My clients receive the benefit of thirty years of professional experience and expertise resulting in competent and caring guidance customized from a wide range of personal growth, therapeutic and healing modalities, offered in an environment of compassion, grace, safety and trust.
I provide integrated and insightful assistance in three areas of life:
- resolving relationship struggles
- expanding self-awareness and self-care
- navigating life transitions
- healing from grief and loss
- managing stress and anxiety
- building resiliency and letting go of shame
- enhancing physical, mental and emotional well-being
- Career and life purpose exploration
- Resolving workplace challenges and dynamics
- Constructing work and life balance
- Entrepreneurial and business management consultation (tax deductible)
- Growth and discernment on the spiritual journey
- Deepening connections with that which is greater than ourselves
- Mindfulness and meditation practices
- Creating a foundation of meaning that informs all aspects of life
- Awakening to and living from our True Self
No one ever contacts me saying, “My world is perfect, can you help me fix it?” It’s when some aspect of our lives or relationships has become painful, puzzling or challenging that we look to outside resources. Family and friends care deeply about us and want to provide support. But often we benefit most from an objective and professional perspective, someone who doesn’t have a stake in what we’re going through or what the outcome will be and who can help us see the bigger picture.
I believe that no matter what you are currently facing or struggling with, that you are not, and have never been broken or anything less than whole. As Leonard Cohen wrote in the lyrics for “Anthem,” “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” I commit to helping you, as I have hundreds of others, get in touch with your own innate light, wisdom and wholeness so you experience living from joy, meaning, authenticity, integrity and fulfillment.
In addition to meeting with people in my Scottsdale location, I’m also available via Skype, FaceTime and phone for at-distance sessions. My clientele is international.
Who am I? I’m someone very much like you.
We’re alike in the vital ways necessary for me to help you transform your life and relationships into what you dream they could be.
As long as I can remember I have felt a deep yearning for my own world to be increasingly rich and meaningful, with less pain and struggle, with more joy and well-being.
Like you, I have:
- experienced heartache beyond what I ever believed possible
- made mistakes in a variety of ways
- failed in relationships, hurting others and myself
- made choices resulting in regret and shame
- known profound loss, was wounded as a child and betrayed as an adult by people I loved and trusted
- walked through a dark night of the soul, wondering if I would ever find my way out of the pain
How does my having intimate and personal knowledge of the difficult side of life make me a qualified, competent and deeply compassionate resource for you in your life transitions and transformations?
The answer is that my life journey has been and continues to be the powerful motivation for on-going exploration personally, professionally and academically into all aspects of our amazing, and sometimes confusing and challenging, human journey.
I am constantly motivated by a desire to understand:
- how to get unstuck from the ways we get stuck
- how to live in less fear and more strength and courage
- how to stop doing the unhelpful things we do
- how to hurt less and love more
- how to forgive others and, most importantly, ourselves
- how to go from being confused and lost in life to being focused and clear
- how to choose and maintain lives and relationships that are fulfilling and meaningful
That same desire causes me to dive deeply into the meaning of life, the “what’s it all about, anyway” arena. In the process:
- I’ve collected degrees and certifications, attended countless workshops and conferences, participated in many groups, read way too many books (Amazon loves me!), worked with hundreds of clients in all walks of life and consistently engage those who cross my path in the “how do we transform our lives?” conversation.
- I’ve practiced actualizing personal growth through my own life experience, personal and professional development and career path.
- I’ve researched and integrated ways to create positive and meaningful relationships, learned how to heal wounds and move on from grief and loss, tested formulas created to transform us more fully into who and how we are meant to be (are born to be).
- I’ve gained an intimate understanding of how to be instruments of our own liberation instead of causing ourselves more suffering.
- I’m on an on-going spiritual pilgrimage, searching the world’s religions and countless spiritual paths for core truths, beauty and goodness.
In other words I’ve done, and continue to do, the homework and research for me AND you. This journey I’ve described, this living always more consciously, intentionally and responsibly, is what I care most about in my own life and what I believe I’m here to help people do in theirs.
Hand in hand with my passion for my own personal transformation and spiritual depth is a calling to walk with others on their path of healing, growth and as they learn to live from a place of possibility, potential and joy.
The Nature of Consciousness
“The part of you that is unhampered by illusion – the illusion of time, the illusion of powerlessness, the illusion of impossibility – is waiting for you to slow down and open up so it can speak to your consciousness. In some unguarded moment you will hear its wildly improbable words and know that they are guiding you home.”
– Martha Beck –
This may be the first time you are taking an intentional step to build relationships with more meaning and a life with more purpose. You may be unsure what to do, how to do it, what resources would be best for you or which direction to turn for help. You just know you want things to be different than they are.
Or, it could be you have already identified some of what is getting in the way of real and sustainable change:
- An old or current wound, a grief that holds you captive, a sense of sadness, a fear of the unknown, of failure, rejection, being vulnerable, or being seen.
- A struggle filled relationship that looms large and takes energy to manage and survive.
- An inability to clearly see the path, repeatedly falling into painfully familiar ruts and holes.
Maybe you are already focused on transforming your relationships and life:
- You read books, take courses, attend workshops, meditate and use a variety of personal growth methods, but you are still stuck and perhaps even paralyzed.
- You have ideas and insights but are unsure how to incorporate them in everyday life. You know better, but you are having trouble doing things differently.
- You succeed in making change temporarily but fall back into old patterns and end up feeling discouraged, frustrated and maybe even hopeless about ever really changing.
Or, perhaps you are making headway and have a taste of a more fulfilling life. Now you want to go even deeper, to transform even more of your world in meaningful ways. You long to more fully serve your highest purpose, honoring yourself and the people you care most about.
If any of the above feels familiar you’ve come to the right place at the right time.
The Nature of Choice
“At any given moment you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end.”
~ Christine Mason Miller ~
Free 20-minute Clarity Call: A first step in discovering whether working together would be life and relationship transforming for you could be for us to set up a free 20-minute Clarity Call.
Prior to the call I’ll send a list of questions that will:
- help you outline the desired quality and meaning of your life and/or relationships
- bring into focus what you want to accomplish in our sessions
- identify how the landscape of your life would change in positive and tangible ways as a result of our sessions together and your investment in yourself
During the call we’ll cover the information you’ve provided, as well as explore any additional insights or questions that come up during our conversation.
Engaging in a Clarity Call gives both of us important and necessary knowledge:
- You will get a good sense of whether you feel comfortable, confident and trusting of who I am and how I work.
- I will be assessing whether I have the skills and abilities necessary for what you want to accomplish. (The most effective professionals are people who clearly know their area of expertise and ethically won’t take clients they can’t assist)
- If you have worked with a professional resource of any kind, you know that personality fit can be as important as skills and expertise in a successful partnership. We both need to feel a sense of comfort and ease with each other.
- If you’ve not engaged in support services before, I promise you’ll intuitively know within these 20 minutes whether or not I’m someone you want to spend time with and if I can make a positive difference in the quality of your life and relationships.
If the outcome of the Clarity Call is “Yes, let’s work together!” the next step is to determine what course of action best fits your unique situation. We’ll go over the programs and service I offer, including the cost of each, and decide which one best suits your situation.
Or, if it becomes clear during our call that moving forward isn’t feasible for you and/or me I will gladly offer any direction I can regarding what other options you might want to consider.
Lastly, many people find that just the process of filling out the questionnaire, plus the Clarity Call, is enough to see the landscape of their lives in a new light which then opens up fresh possibilities. That outcome, in and of itself, uncovers new paths and directions that weren’t visible before.
So trust yourself and give yourself the gift of a Clarity Call. I look forward to talking with you!
There is a brokenness
out of which comes the unbroken,
out of which blooms the unshatterable.
There is a sorrow
beyond all grief which leads to joy
and a fragility
out of whose depths emerges strength.
There is a hollow space
too vast for words
through which we pass with each loss,
and out of whose darkness
we are sanctioned into being.
There is a cry deeper than all sound
whose serrated edges cut the heart
as we break open to the place inside
which is unbreakable and whole,
while learning to sing.
~ Reshani Rea ~
Following her calling to be a catalyst in the world for heart-centered and purpose driven lives, Mary began her fulfilling career working in nonprofit therapeutic settings counseling clients having a wide range of life and relationship issues. She then helped create and co-owned a successful counseling agency. It was from here that Mary was recruited to join the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) of one of the largest financial services companies in Canada. There she added to her growing experience by counseling employees regarding personal, family and work-related challenges.
Mary became Manager of the EAP which provided counseling services to over six thousand employees and their families throughout Canada. She was a key member of the:
- Human Resources Team
- Workplace Wellness Initiative
- Medical Advisory group
In the above role Mary played a significant part in the creation of a business environment maximizing employee effectiveness and well-being.
Later in her career, Mary managed the corporate contract for a nation-wide network of mental health professionals to provide 24/7 services to the organization’s employees and their families. As well, while acting as an internal consultant to management at all levels of the organization, she advised on how to best support troubled employees, restore productivity and enhance performance. She also provided training and education on a wide range of workplace, personal and family issues.
Working in the corporate world, Mary honed business related coaching and consulting skills as well as in-depth counseling expertise in the vast continuum of issues that several thousand employees and their families represent. Her empathy for the human experience is based on the privilege she has had to work with so many people along their life journey.
Returning to a private counseling practice for individuals, couples and families, Mary spent 30 years using her multi-faceted expertise and deep insight to help clients create personal relationships rich with connection and meaning and lives abundant with purpose and value.
During the last five years Mary has integrated all aspects of her career experience, professional training and personal journey into the role of Life Consultant, assisting clients in reaching personal, professional and spiritual fulfillment.
An abiding belief in the sacredness of life and the transforming and healing power of grace, hope and compassion provides the foundation for Mary’s personal life, professional work and spiritual journey.
Mary enjoys living in Scottsdale, AZ. Time with family and friends is her first love, followed by reading on a vast array of topics, poetry and soaking up all forms of theatre.
Mary earned a Master’s degree in both Divinity and Theology, majoring in counseling. An extensive two year counseling internship program at Interfaith Counselling Centre in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada (accredited by the American Association of Marital and Family Therapy) gave Mary the foundational expertise to work with individuals, couples and families as well as a deep regard for diversity.
- Managing Stress
- Creating sustainable change
- Understanding Personality Style
- Surmounting workplace challenges and navigating career paths
- Healing from grief, loss and relationship and life wounds
- Marriage and relationship skills
- Family dynamics and pressures including parenting, eldercare and blended.
- Coping with mental health challenges
- Critical Incident Debriefing
- Grief and Loss
- EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing )
- EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)
The Nature of Belief
“A belief is only a thought you continue to think. A belief is nothing more than a chronic pattern of thought, and you have the ability -if you try even a little bit- to begin a new pattern, to tell a new story, to achieve a different vibration, to change your point of attraction.”
~ Esther Hicks ~
Services I Provide
Grief Recovery Method
Are you suffering from a broken heart?
Did a death, divorce, or the end of a romantic relationship cause it? Or was it caused by any of the forty other losses that a person might experience such as moving, pet loss, or a change in finances? Regardless of the cause, you know how you feel and it probably isn’t good. You might feel sad, distracted, or confused. You are not alone. The Grief Recovery Method has been helping people feel better following a loss for 40 years.
We aren’t going to tell you, “We know how you feel,” because we don’t. Neither does anyone else. What we will do is provide a safe environment where you will be given specific tools to help you recover from loss and ultimately lead a happier life.
Grief is the normal and natural emotional response to loss, but most of the information we’ve learned about dealing with loss is intellectual. Although working through the Grief Recovery Method involves some educational elements, effective Grief Recovery must deal with your broken heart, which requires emotional support instead of intellectual explanations.
Myths about Grief
Time heals all wounds
Replace the loss
Don’t feel bad
People say you have to let go and move on in your life, but they don’t tell you how. The Grief Recovery Method, developed and refined over the past 30 years, teaches you how to recover from loss with supportive guidance every step of the way.
Who Is It For
The Grief Recovery Method is for anyone who has experienced any kind of loss.
Is it Ever Too Soon to Start Grief Recovery
No! It is never too soon to address your grief. If you broke your leg would you wait to call the doctor? Then why wait to get help when you break your heart? You’ve probably heard that time heals all wounds. That piece of misinformation creates the idea that you just have to wait to feel better. We have known people who have waited ten, twenty, thirty, and forty years, and still didn’t feel better. And they would tell you that not only had time not healed them, but also it compounded the pain. It’s not time that heals, but what you do within time.
A Grief Recovery Method Specialist assists you to look at your old beliefs about dealing with loss, which losses have affected your life, and take actions that will lead you to complete unresolved emotions that may still be causing you pain.
Don’t wait any longer. Time alone will not heal your broken heart.
(The above information was taken from www.griefrecoverymethod.com)
Mary Triller, MDiv, MTh, is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist and provides Grief Recovery at Optimal You.
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) - Tapping
What is EFT – Tapping?
Millions of people are settling for lives filled with poor health and emotional baggage. Not knowing how to achieve the joyful and satisfying lives they desire, they’re stuck accepting a lifestyle of emotional trauma, chronic physical pain, compulsions and addictions, or perhaps just an empty feeling inside. Along with these problems come pills to kill the pain, sleep at night, and suppress anxiety – but this is hardly better than the disease.
If you’re like many people, you feel trapped, caught in this cycle. You’re tired of feeling sad, depressed, anxious, discontent, and unwell. You’re sick of the expensive and ineffective treatments. You’re fed up with relinquishing the power over your health and happiness to psychologists and doctors. You’d like to grow, flourish, and thrive, putting the past in the past. You want to be your best, living a life that is filled with peacefulness, joy, and fulfillment, from day to day and moment to moment.
With Tapping, you can do that. You can discover the vital secret for emotional wholeness and physical relief. You can take your physical and emotional well-being into your own hands. It’s simple for anyone to master, and it’s free.
Tapping provides relief from chronic pain, emotional problems, disorders, addictions, phobias, post traumatic stress disorder, and physical diseases. While Tapping is newly set to revolutionize the field of health and wellness, the healing concepts that it’s based upon have been in practice in Eastern medicine for over 5,000 years. Like acupuncture and acupressure, Tapping is a set of techniques which utilize the body’s energy meridian points. You can stimulate these meridian points by tapping on them with your fingertips – literally tapping into your body’s own energy and healing power.
Your body is more powerful than you can imagine… filled with life, energy, and a compelling ability for self-healing. With Tapping, you can take control of that power.
So How Does It All Work?
All negative emotions are felt through a disruption of the body’s energy. And physical pain and disease are intricately connected to negative emotions. Health problems create feedback – physical symptoms cause emotional distress, and unresolved emotional problems manifest themselves through physical symptoms. So, the body’s health must be approached as a whole. You cannot treat the symptoms without addressing the cause, and vice-versa.
The body, like everything in the universe, is composed of energy. Restore balance to the body’s energy, and you will mend the negative emotions and physical symptoms that stem from the energy disruption. Tapping restores the body’s energy balance, and negative emotions are conquered.
The basic technique requires you to focus on the negative emotion at hand: a fear or anxiety, a bad memory, an unresolved problem, or anything that’s bothering you. While maintaining your mental focus on this issue, use your fingertips to tap 5-7 times each on 12 of the body’s meridian points. Tapping on these meridian points – while concentrating on accepting and resolving the negative emotion – will access your body’s energy, restoring it to a balanced state.
You may be wondering about these meridians. Put simply, energy circulates through your body along a specific network of channels. You can tap into this energy at any point along the system.
This concept comes from the doctrines of traditional Chinese medicine, which referred to the body’s energy as “ch’i.” In ancient times, the Chinese discovered 100 meridian points. They also discovered that by stimulating these meridian points, they could heal. Call it energy, call it the Source, call it life force, call it ch’i… Whatever you want to call it, it works.
In some ways, Tapping is similar to acupuncture. Like Tapping, acupuncture achieves healing through stimulating the body’s meridians and energy flow. However, unlike Tapping, acupuncture involves needles! “No needles” is definitely one of the advantages of Tapping.
Acupuncture also takes years to master. Acupuncture practitioners must memorize hundreds of meridian points along the body; the knowledge and training take years to acquire.
Tapping is simple and painless. It can be learned by anyone. And you can apply it to yourself, whenever you want, wherever you are. It’s less expensive and less time consuming. It can be used with specific emotional intent towards your own unique life challenges and experiences. Most importantly, it gives you the power to heal yourself, putting control over your destiny back into your own hands.
The Science Behind Tapping’s Success
Like many healing arts that draw upon ancient wisdom, Tapping has been met with a fair share of skepticism. Many doctors and psychologists have been quick to dismiss it as “woo woo”, despite the heaping anecdotal evidence from practitioners and people who have used EFT on their own.
In recent years however, there’s been a growing pool of undeniable research that proves what millions of people the world over have known for some time now: that EFT produces real, lasting breakthroughs and significantly improves or even eliminates conditions that hospital treatments, medication and years of psychotherapy often fail to adequately deal with.
Studies done at no less than Harvard Medical School verify these assertions. Research done at the prestigious university during the last decade found that the brain’s stress and fear response – which is controlled by an almond-shaped part of your brain called the amygdala – could be lessened by stimulating the meridian points used in acupuncture, acupressure, and of course, tapping.
Although these studies focused on acupuncture and as such, used needles, follow-up double-blind research revealed that stimulating the points through pressure, as we do in tapping, gave rise to a similar response!
Another exciting set of research was undertaken by Dr. Dawson Church. His team performed a randomized controlled trial to study how an hour-long tapping session would impact the stress levels of 83 subjects. To do this, Dr. Church and his team measured their level of cortisol, a hormone secreted by the body when it undergoes stress. Their findings? The average level of cortisol reduction was 24%, with a whopping reduction of almost 50% in some subjects! In comparison, there was no significant cortisol reduction in those who underwent an hour of traditional talk therapy.
Dr. Church also created The Stress Project, which teaches tapping to war veterans suffering with PTSD. The results have been astounding: an average 63% decrease in PTSD symptoms after six rounds of tapping. It’s mind-blowing and exciting research, which has converted many non-believers in the scientific community along the way. All signs indicate that this trend of revealing research and swayed skeptics will continue as millions of people around the globe continue to discover the power of tapping.
(The above information is taken directly from www.thetappingsolution.com. Visit the website to learn more about the history of tapping, an introduction to the tapping points, a basic tapping sequence for anxiety and additional resources.)
Mary Triller, MDiv, MTh, is a Certified Level II Practitioner in Emotional Freedom Techniques – Tapping and provides EFT – Tapping at Optimal You.
Energy psychology (EP) is a mind-body approach to understanding and improving human functioning. EP focuses on the relationship between bioenergy systems, neuro and electro physiological processes, and mental functions involving thoughts, emotions, sensations, and behavior.
EP applications incorporate natural energetic components into the treatment process that include, but are not limited to, meridians, chakras, biofields, and bio-electrical and electromagnetic activity of the body, the nervous system and the heart.
EP practitioners often combine cognitive and physical interventions with activation of one or more of the human bio-energy systems. Some practitioners focus on the way in which thought and intention are expressed in the bioenergy system, and explore the therapeutic value of precise use of language and congruent intention. EP approaches are often exceedingly rapid, have little to no adverse effects, are usually experienced as self-empowering by clients and patients, and are easily amenable to self-help protocols.
EP models have been beneficially applied to assessment and treatment of trauma, anxiety, depression, pain, stress, psychophysiological issues, and self-sabotaging behaviors by a broad range of healthcare providers, to regulate affect and promote emotional and physical health.
“Treatment results have been shown to be enduring and relatively rapid. There are currently over 60 research studies, including multiple Randomized Controlled Trials (RCT) published in professional and refereed journals, confirming the treatment value of EP. Taken as a body of knowledge, these findings suggest that EP meets the criteria for evidenced-based treatment.” (ACEP website)
Read more at www.energypsych.org
Spiritual direction is the practice of being with people as they attempt to deepen their relationship with the divine, or to learn and grow in their own personal spirituality. The person seeking direction shares stories of his or her encounters of the divine, or how he or she is cultivating a life attuned to spiritual things. The director listens and asks questions to assist the directee in his or her process of reflection and spiritual growth. Spiritual direction advocates claim that it develops a deeper awareness with the spiritual aspect of being human, and that it is not psychotherapy, counseling, or financial planning.
“Mindfulness” describes a mental state of nonjudgmental attention to and awareness of the present moment -- along with calm acknowledgment of feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations as they arise. Mindfulness can also describe a type of meditation practice which cultivates this awareness, a quality all human beings possess.
According to Mindful.org, “mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.”
Mindfulness meditation comes from early Buddhist traditions over 2500 years old, developed to foster
- clear thinking
- open-heartedness, and
- the alleviation of suffering
Despite its Buddhist origins, mindfulness meditation requires no special religious or cultural belief system. In fact, Jon-Kabat-Zinn PhD is internationally known for bringing these practices to the West – creating a research-based program called “Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction” that has benefited people from all walks of life. This program has been a helpful ancillary form of treatment for many patients with conditions such as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, cancer, depression, anxiety, psoriasis, and other chronic conditions caused or exacerbated by modifiable lifestyle factors.
As one aim of mindfulness is to take greater responsibility for one’s life choices, it may both strengthen one’s internal resources for optimizing health, and evoke greater engagement with one’s health care too.
Ample research documents effectiveness of mindfulness practices in avoiding relapse in depression, addictions, and also in many forms of anxiety. Studies of its applications in trauma survivors are underway as well. Some forms of psychotherapy which use these practices include Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), and Mindfulness-Based Relapse Prevention. It is not a panacea, though. Psychiatrists and therapists keep aware of potential pitfalls with certain types of people, conditions, and timing. For instance, actively psychotic patients may worsen with long periods of silence in an extended mindfulness retreat. Once symptoms remit though, the person may be well able to participate and benefit from such programs.
Mindfulness can be taught as part of formal meditation practice, and also as integrated into everyday life situations. It isn’t about changing what you think or feel – but about becoming gradually more aware of these things in a moment-to-moment way. Through mindfulness practice, you can develop a wiser and more compassionate relationship with your own mind and body. This pays dividends not only in how you feel personally, but also in the quality of your relationships with others.
All Optimal You professionals apply some form of mindfulness principles or practice in their work.
For a New Beginning
In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.
For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.
It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.
Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.
Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life’s desire.
Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.
~ John O’Donohue ~